


Bottled Up

by Engie_Ivy



Series: Crush Confessions! [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Miscommunication, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Party Games, Secret Crush, Spin the Bottle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25570996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engie_Ivy/pseuds/Engie_Ivy
Summary: Remus wants to look away. Though he also wants to look at Sirius’s face. See his reaction to whoever the bottle was going to stop at. See if it’s just an ‘if I had to choose someone it would be you’ kind of thing, or an ‘I actually like you’ kind of thing. Remus can’t really look away from Sirius’s face anyway, and therefore he sees the grin that breaks out, and the excitement and slight hint of nervousness in his eyes, and Remus’s stomach drops.Remus looks over at the bottle, to rip off the band-aid and see which of the girls managed to get this reaction out of Sirius. His mouth falls open and he has to do a double take, but it’s true: the bottle is unmistakably directly pointing at him.Is something as simple as a bottle really enough to ruin the close bond Remus and Sirius have always had?Well, a bottle, a trick and a whole lot of miscommunication, that is.The obligatory Party Game Fic, when you’re writing get-together crush confessions. I chose the classic Spin the Bottle.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Crush Confessions! [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782475
Comments: 12
Kudos: 320





	Bottled Up

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, the classic Spin the Bottle!  
> Comments make my day, so it would be amazing if you left one, but most of all, enjoy reading!

“I don’t know, Prongs,” Remus sighs. “Doesn’t it seem childish? And a bit shady, to be honest.”

James runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I said the same thing to McKinnon, but she said she still owes Evans payback for spilling to Meadowes that she has feelings for her.”

Remus raises an eyebrow. “But McKinnon and Meadowes are dating now. Shouldn’t she be thanking Lily?”

“I don’t know how these girls’ minds work, Moony!” James proclaims. “I just know McKinnon warned Evans she’d get back at her, so if necessary, she’s going to take the blame, or credit as she called it.”

“Still doesn’t make us innocent.”

“I know, I know,” James says. “But I can finally get an answer, and if it’s not me, then I at least have closure.”

Well, Merlin knows James could use closure. Remus sighs. “So, let me see if I get this correct. McKinnon has charmed the bottle, and you’ll let Lily spin it, but instead of landing on a random person, it will land on the person she actually wants to snog most?”

“Exactly!” James says. “And if I’m not even Evans’s preferred choice out of our small group of friends, then I’ll know it’s hopeless and I’ll move on.”

Remus looks at James sceptically. “Or you’ll try even harder to impress her and become even more obnoxious.”

“And after Evans’s turn,” James continues talking as if not having heard Remus. “We’ll make up an excuse to switch the bottle, and just play the rest of the game.”

“Still,” Remus says. “I would never want to embarrass Lily. What if the bottle lands on one of the girls?”

“I would neither!” James says. “McKinnon said there’s no doubt Evans is into guys, so if she’d rather kiss one of her girlfriends than any of us, well, it’s more embarrassing to us than it is to her, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so. And what about you? Can you handle it if, hypothetically, Lily would rather snog me, or Padfoot?”

“Moons,” James says solemnly, placing a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “You’re absolutely adorable, and you have that whole ‘boyish charm’ thing going for you, and Padfoot... well, Pads is of course drop-dead gorgeous, so there’s absolutely no shame in losing to you.”

Remus chuckles. He can definitely agree with the last one.

“Besides,” James continues. “Padfoot is still in detention, so no risk of him getting picked over me. So are you in?”

“Something tells me I’m going to regret this,” Remus says. “But alright, I’ll join.”

“Great! I’ve warned you and Pete not to spin until after the bottle is switched, and McKinnon has told Meadowes and MacDonald, so we’re all set. Time to play Spin the Bottle!”

“Alphabetical order, Evans,” James passes the bottle on to Lily.

Lily rolls her eyes as she takes the bottle, and is just about to spin when the door opens.

Sirius walks into the common room, bag slung over one shoulder, his tie undone, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, and loose strands of hair falling over his face. Remus feels the familiar flutter in his stomach as he sees him.

“Wotcher.” Sirius raises an eyebrow when seeing the circle. “Watcha doin’?”

“We were just about to play Spin the Bottle,” Marlene replies.

“And you’re just in time!” Lily adds. “As Potter here just informed me were doing alphabetical order,” she throws Sirius the bottle “Black.”

Sirius easily catches the bottle with one hand, drops his bag on the floor and joins the circle with a grin on his face. “Well, I can’t deprive any you of the chance of snogging me.”

“What?” James bursts out. “No! No, Evans was going first! I... I really think Evans should go first.”

Lily eyes him suspiciously. “Why does it matter who goes first?”

James grits his teeth. “McKinnon, don’t _you_ think that Evans should go first?”

To James’s annoyance, Marlene just shrugs.

Remus briefly wonders if he could make up an excuse to leave. He really does not want to see Sirius spin that bottle. It’s not that he doesn’t care about Sirius’s love life, it’s more that he cares a little too much about Sirius’s love life, and finding out which of the girls Sirius would like to snog most will probably sting. Even if Sirius will never hit on Lily, for James-related reasons, and Marlene and Dorcas are together, he still doesn’t want to torment himself by finding out what type of girl Sirius is most attracted to. Beautiful, kind and witty Lily Evans, fierce, hot and rebellious Marlene McKinnon, smart, friendly and charming Dorcas Meadowes or sweet, pretty and cheerful Mary MacDonald.

Completely unaware of James’s almost-breakdown and Remus’s anxiety, Sirius rolls his eyes as he places the bottle in the middle of the circle. “Relax, Prongs. Everyone gets a turn, so you’ll have your 14% chance of locking lips with Evans soon enough.”

And Sirius spins the bottle.

Remus wants to look away. Though he also wants to look at Sirius’s face. See his reaction to whoever the bottle was going to stop at. See if it’s just an ‘if I had to choose someone it would be you’ kind of thing, or an ‘I actually like you’ kind of thing. Remus can’t really look away from Sirius’s face anyway, and therefore he sees the grin that breaks out, and the excitement and slight hint of nervousness in his eyes, and Remus’s stomach drops.

Remus looks over at the bottle, to rip off the band-aid and see which of the girls managed to get this reaction out of Sirius. His mouth falls open and he has to do a double take, but it’s true: the bottle is unmistakably directly pointing at him.

There’s a stunned silence hanging over the group, as everyone but Lily and Sirius himself understands what this means. Marlene is giving Remus a smug and suggestive grin, James is staring at the bottle in complete shock and Peter looks absolutely dumbfounded. Lily looks around the circle with a frown on her face, but Sirius is so focused on Remus, he doesn’t seem to notice anything off.

Remus feels his face heat up. It would be so easy, pretend there’s nothing going on, just play the game and get a kiss from Sirius.

But he can’t. Not with the way his mind is racing with the implications of this, not with the guilt he feels at having exposed Sirius like this in front of everyone without him even knowing.

Sirius shuffles closer. “Well, Moony, I guess you’re the lucky one. What about it?” He asks, raising one eyebrow.

“I...” Remus desperately tries to remember how to formulate a sentence, but as his mind comes up blank, he does the only thing he can think of doing: brave Gryffindor that he is, he gets up and flees the room as fast as he can.

Though he still catches a glimpse of the hurt and confusion that appears on Sirius’s face.

Remus is sitting on his four-poster bed, clutching a pillow to his chest.

James, who has come after him, is pacing the floor in front of his bed. “I can’t believe I did that to my brother!” He keeps running his hand through his hair. “I’m the worst best friend ever! How did I just let that happen?”

Remus wishes he’d stop talking about his own problems.

James suddenly stops and points at Remus. “And what are _you_ going to do?”

Remus wishes he’d go back to talking about his own problems.

Remus shakes his head. “I don’t have to do anything.” Now that his mind had calmed a little, and he’s had some time to think about it, he had come to the conclusion there can only be one explanation. “McKinnon must have mucked up the spell.”

“Excuse me, Lupin?” With her arms folded across her chest, Marlene is standing in the doorway. “I can assure you that I did no such thing! My spell work was excellent, as always.”

“I was there when she performed the spell, Moony,” James adds. “We even tested it out. No matter how McKinnon spun the bottle, it landed on Meadowes every time.”

Marlene has a smug smile on her face. “See? No need to question my talent in charms. The real question is, why’d you run? Black looked seriously put out.”

Remus cringes and guilt washes over James’s face.

Marlene sits on the edge of Remus’s bed. “I mean, I’m no expert on the matter whatsoever, but for you, knowing that Sirius Black wants to snog your face can’t exactly be a bad thing, right?”

“We don’t know if he wants to snog me!” Remus says. “We just know that if he had to pick anyone from our group, he’d mind me least.”

“Right.” Marlene rolls her eyes. “So it doesn’t say anything about him wanting you, just about how desperately he doesn’t want the rest of us. Believe me, Lupin, if a boy picks you over me and my fine looking girls, he wants you. Bad.”

Remus feels a distracting fluttering in his chest at the thought of Sirius possibly really wanting _him_.

“So why are you acting like this is something to get upset about, instead of something most people only ever get to dream about?”

It’s true. Snogging Sirius would be a dream come true. Quite literally, as that scene has played out in Remus’s dreams often enough. But that’s just where the problem lies: he’s already too hung up on Sirius as it is. Sure, it seems fitting for Sirius that he wants to see what’s out there and explore, and he’s probably curious about what it would be like to snog a bloke, and for some absolutely unknown reason, he seems to think Remus would be the best choice to try it with. Remus could fulfil one of his fantasies and snog him. And if Sirius really is into it, maybe they could snog on multiple occasions, like a somewhat regular thing. Remus knows he would love and cherish every single one of those moments. But then what? Sirius has never expressed any interest in a relationship, especially not with a bloke, especially not with Remus. He’s looking for a good time. Sooner or later, his curiosity will be satisfied, and he’ll move on to something new. And Remus will end up... crushed. If it’s not hard enough to try and deal with his ever-growing feelings for Sirius as it is, crossing that line and allowing himself to kiss him, while it’ll mean something so different to him than it will to Sirius... that will be the end of him. A quick kiss in a stupid game when they’re forced to is already confusing for Remus, but kissing Sirius with the knowledge that Sirius is really up for it and wants to kiss him is just honestly dangerous for Remus. How is he ever going to get over Sirius if he allows himself to add that aspect to their relationship? He’s not the best at self-care, but even he is not that self-destructive.

But he can’t tell James and Marlene any of that.

“I just... felt bad. Like we played a trick on him, and it didn’t feel right to go along with it.”

“Oh, Merlin, I’m the absolute worst,” James mutters. “I should really go check on Padfoot.” And he leaves the dorm.

“So do you have any idea on what to do know?” Marlene asks.

Remus groans and hides his face in his hands. “He doesn’t know, right? So I don’t have to do anything. Just not mention it until it’s forgotten.”

“That’s a good plan,” Marlene says.

Remus peaks through his fingers to look at her. “You really think so?” He asks hopefully.

Marlene nods. “Sure. As long as you do realize that your plan is based on the assumption that James Potter can keep a secret. From Sirius Black.”

Well, fuck.

Over the next few days, Remus notices another flaw in his plan. It has become almost impossible for him to be near Sirius. It has always been distracting to be around the other boy, but now Remus really isn’t able to focus on anything with Sirius within a 10-meter radius. His insanely perfect face, his ridiculously pretty eyes, and those lips. Now Remus knows Sirius might not be completely opposed to Remus kissing those lips, it’s quite impossible for him to look at anything else. Sirius Black is tempting, way too tempting. So, Remus makes his next questionable decision: he starts to avoid Sirius.

Remus tries to make sure he’s not alone with Sirius anymore, and makes up, often lame, excuses to leave when it becomes too much. He also doesn’t sit too close to him during class or in the Great Hall anymore, and, where they would normally hug or throw an arm around each other’s shoulder, Remus now avoids all physical contact.

And he hates it. He hates the hurt on Sirius’s face when he gets up to leave. He hates the pitiful glances the others throw Sirius’s way, because of course bloody everyone knows about that dammed bottle. And he really, really hates missing Sirius.

“Let me guess, you’re just about to leave to some urgent meeting.”

Remus jumps up from where he was kneeling at his trunk when he suddenly hears Sirius’s voice behind him. Sirius is leaning against the doorpost, his arms folded over his chest and one leg popped up against the wall, looking like a bloody model on a photoshoot.

Remus’s mouth feels dry, and he feels warm under the intensity of Sirius’s gaze. The room is suddenly much too hot.

“Padfoot...” Remus tries to say something, but his mind comes up with nothing. He needs to get away from there. “I do have to look something up in the library. Excuse me.”

As he tries to make his way past Sirius, the other boy suddenly says: “I know, Moony.”

Remus freezes. “Know what?” He asks, hesitantly.

“About the bottle. Prongs told me.”

That was only a matter of time really, but still Remus’s face falls.

“No!” Sirius points an angry finger at him. “You don’t get to do that! Don’t you dare!”

Remus gives him a bewildered look. “What?”

“Look so pained and upset,” Sirius replies. “While I’m the one whose privacy was violated, who was embarrassed in front of everyone, who everyone keeps looking at with that dammed pity!”

“Padfoot, I’m so sorry...”

Sirius takes a breath to calm his anger, and then makes a shrugging motion. “It’s fine. I don’t even care about that stupid bottle. It was Prongs and McKinnon’s dumb idea that went wrong.” Sirius is now looking at Remus with that intense gaze again. “What I do care about is the way you’ve been acting!”

Remus bites his lip and stares at the ground. When he doesn’t say anything, Sirius continues.

“I admit it; lately when I’m around you, I’ve been feeling like I’d like to kiss you. There’s no point in denying it now, is there? But of course, I never expected you to be up for it, so I was never going to _act_ on it. And now that you’ve made it _evidently_ clear that you’re not interested, I can just continue to push that feeling away. So really, nothing has changed and our friendship doesn’t have to change. I was ignoring that feeling, and I’ll keep ignoring it, no big deal.”

No big deal. Remus feels the sting of the words. That’s what it’s like for Sirius: he’d like to try and snog one of his best friends, his friend doesn’t seem into it, so he simply forgets about it and moves on, no big deal.

“Right,” Remus says, and he can’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. “No big deal.”

Sirius glares at him. “You’re not even _trying_ to sound like you mean it! That’s what I don’t get. Why are you acting around me like you think I'm going to throw myself at you, like you’re afraid I’ll drag you in a cupboard and molest you.”

Remus stares at him in shock and shakes his head. “I know you’ll never do that.”

“Then why? Why do you act like you’re disgusted by me, when this whole situation doesn’t have to change anything, doesn’t have to matter?”

Remus’s inner voice is desperately screaming: Because it matters to me! Because you may be able to put it aside just like that, but even just the thought that you might actually want to kiss me has taken over my entire life, is entirely consuming me! Because I'm just trying to maintain the last bit of my sanity by not tormenting myself with a taste of something I can never truly have!

Remus’s outer voice manages to sound surprisingly composed: “You’re right. Let’s just forget it ever happened.”

With that, Remus walks past Sirius into the hall, feeling Sirius’s eyes burning in his back, and tears burning in his own eyes.

Remus, though ashamed to admit it, may have been a little too focused on his own pain, and doesn’t quite realise the implications of his actions until he overhears James and Sirius talking the morning after the full moon. Even though things between Remus and Sirius have remained tense, Sirius never considered not being there for the full moon, and Remus never considered not wanting Sirius there.

Remus is slowly waking up, and he can hear James and Sirius softly talking, thinking he’s still asleep after a rough transformation.

“...really sorry, Padfoot. I never thought he’d react like this. I mean, if you’d expect anyone to be accepting of everyone, it’d be Moony.”

Sirius snorts. “Well, everyone draws the line somewhere, I guess, and for Moony that line was his male best friend having creepy fantasies about snogging him.”

“You can’t blame yourself, Padfoot.”

“Yeah, well, whatever. I should go. I don’t want to make Moony uncomfortable by being here when he wakes up starkers.” He hears Sirius get up from the floor.

“I don’t think you’ll make him uncomfortable!” James protests.

“You also didn’t think he’d mind snogging me, so forgive me for not taking your word for it.”

Sirius leaves, and Remus lays frozen in his spot, mind racing. Only now he realises what his behaviour must have looked like to everyone else. Remus found out his male friend had an interest in snogging him, and proceeded to completely shut him out. Only know the implications of Sirius’s words sink in: ‘you act like you’re disgusted by me’. Everyone thinks Remus is disgusted by the idea of Sirius wanting to snog him. Shame washes over Remus. He needs to have another conversation with Sirius. Chances are that he’ll completely muck it up again, but he’s got to at least let Sirius know that under no circumstances he’ll ever be disgusted by him.

Sirius’s face is a mask of haughty indifference. Remus hates seeing that mask on him. He feels guilty for even thinking this, but it reminds him of Sirius’s mother. Sirius normally saves the expression, characteristic for his family, for certain relatives only.

“I just wanted to say...” Remus is struggling to get across how Sirius never needs to worry about Remus accepting him, feeling nervous under Sirius’s cold gaze. “I don’t care who you snog!”

Hurt flashes across Sirius’s face, so Remus’s words are probably not having the desired effect.

“I mean, I’ll always be your friend.”

Apparently, Remus has a talent for saying exactly the wrong things, as Sirius now looks plainly upset.

“Piss off, Remus.” Sirius pushes past Remus and walks out the door, leaving a bewildered Remus to stare after him. Is the close bond they’ve always had really going to be ruined by a bloody bottle, of all things?

Where Remus was first avoiding Sirius, now Sirius is actively avoiding Remus, and it pisses Remus off. Which consequently makes him angry at himself, because isn’t he a pot calling the kettle black?

He has barely exchanged another word with Sirius since that last conversation, when he sleepily walks into the bathroom one Tuesday morning. His sleepy haze evaporates when he’s suddenly faced with a shirtless Sirius standing right in front of him. Remus jumps and takes a big step back, pressing himself against the wall.

Sirius’s mouth turns into a hard line. “Don’t worry, Remus.” Angry frustration is evident in his voice. “I’m not going to assault you, just because I’m in love with you.”

Sirius walks past Remus towards the door, and Remus is very proud that, despite the turmoil of emotions going on inside his head, he manages to grab Sirius’s arm to stop him. “What did you say?”

Sirius turns around and gives Remus a sad look. “Alright, maybe that was a bit out of line. I know you’d never think me capable of that, but you’re just so-”

“No, no,” Remus says, desperately searching Sirius’s eyes. “The other thing! That you... That you’re...”

Sirius frowns. “That I’m in love with you? Moony, are you alright? You already knew that, we established that weeks ago when that damned bottle started this whole mess.”

Remus vigorously shakes his head. He did not. He definitely did not. “The bottle just meant that you might not be opposed to snogging me, it said nothing about you actually liking me!”

Sirius looks baffled while he blinks at Remus. “How are those things...” Then he shakes his head and runs a hand over his face. “Really, Moony, only you would... Only you.”

Suddenly his eyes widen in horror has he looks at Remus again. “Wait. Are you saying that all this, this whole messy situation, the way you’ve been avoiding me and we’ve barely spoken in weeks, was just because you thought I might have been curious about what kissing you would be like? Oh, Merlin, and now I’ve made it so much worse by telling you that I’m actually in bloody love with you!” Sirius gives Remus a defeated look. “So, what are you going to do now, then? Are you going to move your stuff to another dorm? Are you going to ask the Sorting Hat to put you in a different house? Are you going to transfer to Ilvermony? Are you going to-”

Remus shuts Sirius up in a way that he’ll soon learn is the best way to shut Sirius up: he presses his lips against Sirius’s.

Once again, Sirius is baffled and blinking at Remus. “Kiss me?”

Remus smiles at him. Joy is spreading through his chest. This is real to Sirius as well. They have a chance, an actual chance, to become something. “I didn’t realise before now that you were serious about me.”

“Moony, I’m always-”

“Shut up! What I’m trying to say, I didn’t avoid you because I was too freaked out by you, I avoided you because I was too _tempted_ by you. I knew that if I kissed you, all hope of ever getting over my ridiculously massive crush on you would be lost.”

A smile appears on Sirius’s face, so bright it lights up the room. Sirius touches Remus’s cheeks, and gently cups his face. “You’re an idiot.”

Okay. That isn’t quite as romantic as Remus was hoping for.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through?” Sirius asks.

Remus cringes. “Can I make it up to you?”

“Well...” Sirius looks contemplating for a while. “I want a good morning and good night kiss every day, I want to hold your hand in the Great Hall and when walking from class to class, I want permission to wear your jumpers whenever I feel like it, and I get to pick out the location of our first date.”

Remus thinks about it for a moment. “No hand-holding during the meals, as I need two hands to eat, but I can give you hand-holding during class, but only when I don’t need to take notes. Yes to the jumpers, but under the condition that you’ll give me your leather jacket whenever I’m cold. And one more thing; we are never, _ever_ , playing Spin the Bottle again.”

Sirius grins. “As I don’t need a bottle to kiss you anymore, you’ve got yourself a deal, Mr. Lupin.”


End file.
